The Compromises of Marriage

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by: David Rowtree | Total views: 10 | Word Count: 533 | View PDF | Print View
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I'm an organised person, always have been. I've never seen the point of being any other way. Even as a kid, my homework was always done on time, and I made beautiful revision timetables to help me through my exams. However, unlike the other kids in my class, I stuck to mine. I didn't see the value in making these beautifully coloured creations if they were not strictly adhered to.

As an adult, my friends laugh at me, call me anally retentive, as I pull out my notebook and cross things off my check list. But I don't see the problem with being organised. If a job needs doing, I do it. If a bill needs paying, I pay it. I find this strategy saves time, effort, and heartache in the long run. If you don't do so something straight away, you only waste time thinking about doing it. Do it, and move on – think about something different. It makes so much more sense.

Well, this outlook has served me well for thirty odd years. However, I recently married, and have been forced to relinquish some of my control. We both work, and being a “new man”, my partner believes we should split both the daily chores and the general management of the household.

Now, this is fine in principle. However, the reality is very different. My “new man” is not as organised as I am. He waits for final reminders for bills and leaves everything to the last minute. This happened recently with our car insurance. I wanted him to shop around, get better quotes – which admittedly he did – but on the day it was due. However, I spent the previous two weeks writing “remind Steve about car insurance” on my to-do list. I could have done the job five times in the amount of time I spent asking him whether he'd sorted out the policy, which lead to even more frustration. This system was supposed to be saving me time and stress, not adding to it.

This has inevitably lead to arguments. He has called me a control freak. I have called him lazy and incompetent. However, I have been talking to my girl friends, who are always the best judges of whether a woman is being reasonable in a relationship, and they have told me I should be grateful that not only does he want to do his fair share, he is actually doing it.

I don't want to be a nagging wife, and I do want to appreciate my husbands efforts. I have therefore decided to bite my tongue, and to stop putting his tasks on my lists. Marriage, after all, is a series of compromises, and maybe, just maybe, relinquishing some of the control of my ordered life will be good for me. Next time it's his turn to pay the bills, I'm going to keep quiet, and see what happens. I'm just hoping he doesn't let me down.

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